Being Real

     Lately, I've felt a few times like, Why can't I just be me? Not that I'm not me. Sometimes I just worry about others opinions of me. What do they think of me? My husband asked me once, "Why do you care?" Why do I? I don't know. One thing I do know, I should be focused on being who God made me to be and not worrying about others opinions.

     I am a typical oldest child in the sense that I like things a certain way. I like schedule and routine. I dislike the unexpected and not having a plan. I like things practical, manageable, and organized. I know, you're snoring, right? Booorrreeeddd!! So as someone who likes to follow the rules--most of the time--you would think I would feel like I could be myself. Wrong! Because I too make mistakes. And I hate it. I despise it. As if I have to be perfect (although I don't identify as a perfectionist, go figure).

     I don't want to be fake or feel fake. Unfortunately, we can't always have that. We have to hold back our words or opinions sometimes due to social norms or to spare people's feelings. We have to smile at the guy who was just a major jerk because it's the right thing to do. But what about all the other times? Can't I just be me? Please, just let me be me!

     A week or two ago I painted my nails blue, like dark blue. I'm talking navy, edging towards black. I was super excited when I bought it but didn't use it for months. When I did finally paint my nails, I waited for the comments. I was expecting it to go something like, "Oh, that's really dark. I could never wear that." Or perhaps, "Wow, that's a brave choice."

     To my amazement, that didn't happen. Actually, I got two compliments. One being from someone I had assumed would secretly judge my choice. Which begs the question, "What would happen if we were our truest selves all the time?" 

     1 Corinthians 12:18 (CJB)

"But as it is, God arranged each of the parts in the body exactly as he wanted them."

     You are uniquely made, dear one. 

     Truth be told, some people will never get you. They will not understand what you like or why you like it. They won't understand your dreams, your creativity, or your vision. Don't let that ever hold you back. 

     As believers, we are all a part of the body of Christ. We all bring something to the table, something real, and tangible, and needed. Don't let the dream-crushers and the haters tell you who are. Let the Lord define that. He made you. He knows what's in you.

     I was working out yesterday and kept two songs on repeat. They are some of my favorite jams right now. 

     I love the line from Toby Mac's song "I Just Need You." It says, "On my darkest days. When I'm losing faith . . . I just need You."

     'Losing faith'? you ask. That's honesty. That's real.

I also like the line from Riley Clemmons song "Broken Prayers." "'Cause You're not afraid of all the things I feel. Don't have to hide the scars that still aren't healed."

     Whew, buddy! Does that ever resonate with me! I remember walking into a room once, a place where I didn't want to be. My mind was swirling with all those silly thoughts of what others thought. My heart was screaming that trusting anyone in said room was the worst idea ever. It was never gonna happen. And I felt God speak something to my heart a short time later, that it was okay to take my time.

     God is concerned with our hearts, my friend. He wants us real. He sees us as we are, blue nail polish and all.

J💙