Fear

     Can I confess something to you? My biggest hangup is fear. Google defines fear as, "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." I have spent nearly my entire life dealing with this. It's not easy to deal with, it's not easy to admit, but it's the truth. 

     My growing up years were filled with comments like: "You're so quiet." "You're so shy." "You don't talk much." As I got older I was often told that I needed to 'get out of my comfort zone'. Of course, anyone with any level of social anxiety can tell you none of these comments helped me. They were more likely to anger me, frustrate me, cause me more fear, or simply make me blend into the wallpaper (I was really good at that).

     The thing is we all have hangups. We all have things that stymie us and trip us up. Some of us overcome them in life, others, just learn to deal with them. I'm apparently the latter. While I am leaps and bounds more able to cope with the social things as an adult, I still struggle with fears. Fear makes me want to run and hide. When it comes to the 'fight or flight' thing, I am notoriously a flighter. It's easier to run than to confront the issue. 

     Is there a storm? My heart is pounding and I'm obsessively checking the radar. Is someone engaging me in uncomfortable conversation? My neck is turning red and my stomach is turning somersaults. Am I worried about some situation I could have handled better? I feel like my chest is constricting.

     It's not fun.

     But I've learned some things to help me cope, to confront. Fear isn't something you can physically tackle. It's not exactly physical (although sometimes it feels that way!). Here are some things that help me . . .

     1. Write in my gratitude journal. Write three things every couple of weeks or when I feel down. They can be a positive quote, something that made me smile, a verse, anything positive or uplifting.

     2. Exercise. I'm not always consistent, but exercise helps. I need those endorphins!

     3. Positive quotes and Bible verses. I post them on Facebook, write them on postcards and tape or tack them up, and pin them on Pinterest. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Pr. 23:7)

     4. Healthier food choices. Not the easiest thing, but our body is a temple.

     5. Most importantly, consistent Bible reading and prayer. I can't expect to get better or be better if I'm not drawing from the Source and receiving divine assistance.

     Second confession: I had someone ask me earlier this week what my inspiration was for my novel. I wasn't sure how to answer that. I like love stories. I like the Medieval time period. That was basically all I said. In actuality, a good part of my 'inspiration' was me trying to practically tackle my emotions, to channel my fear into something constructive.

     You see, my main character deals with nightmares. At one particularly fearful time in my life I was having them, a lot. Even now when I'm stressed I will have bad or unusual dreams. So it was very cathartic to write a character who was struggling emotionally and put a sword in her hand. It was my own way of battling my negative emotions while simultaneously putting them to good use. 

     Now, I still struggle with fear. I've had a lot this week. I tell myself to calm down. Like I'm going to listen to me. I try to do all those things that help. They help. They don't fix it. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." I don't know about you but sometimes I can relate to feeling like a jar of clay, easily broken, made from dirt, maybe a little cracked. But God takes our imperfect selves and chooses to put his precious Presence within us. Jesus, the Lord of the universe, resides in our hearts. Talk about a treasure in a jar of clay!

     Be encouraged today, friend. We all have imperfections and struggles. We are merely jars of clay. But God chooses to let His Son, his most treasured possesion, dwell in little ole imperfect us. It seems insane! Why would God do that? Because He loves you!  Just as He put His Son, the King of kings, in a lowly manger, so He puts His presence in the lowly hearts of men. So keep pushing! Keep striving! 

     Because He can take the ugly in you, and the broken, and turn it into something lovely.

     Maybe even a book.

Love,

J <3