I have a bruise on my knee. I can't remember how I got it. I do remember hitting my knee, saying "Ow," and then laughing because I thought it was a stupid way to get a bruise.
I forgot I had the silly thing until I went to sit down this morning. I put my hand on my knee, and, "Ouch! That hurts." I remembered the forgotten bruise, just as present as ever, but now at the forefront of my thoughts.
Emotional wounds are similar. We can be going along, all is well, and suddenly that painful affliction is there. If you're like me, you ask yourself why this thing is still there.
"I thought I forgave so-and-so."
"I thought I was over this."
Commence either 1.) spiraling into a vortex of negativity that leads nowhere, or 2.) prayer that is half repentance, half questions.
If you choose the first, I'm going to tell you what my mom used to tell me when I told her it hurt to touch a sore spot.
"Well, then don't touch it."
When we play the event over and over and over, it's like poking an open wound, it makes it worse.
However, ignoring it isn't an option.
Emotional wounds need tending. If left alone completely, they fester. We have to apply medicine. Each situation is different, so working through it requires a unique response and addressing the issue in an appropriate manner.
**If necessary, seek the help of a medical professional.**
Back to our second response.
If your response to a poked emotional wound is repentant prayer and questions (both are good), know this, emotional wounds are often deeper and taker longer to heal than physical ones. Feeling a negative emotion doesn't necessarily indicate unforgiveness, though it can.
You don't break your arm and expect to use it in a week. That's not how it works. So don't expect your trust to bounce back right away. Don't expect that friendship or relationship to go immediately (and exactly) to what it was before. It's probably not going to happen that way.
Side note: Trust and forgiveness are not the same thing. God asks us to forgive. He doesn't ask us to repeatedly allow others to hurt us who don't care how their actions affect us.
You're probably asking yourself at this point, "What do onions have to do with bruises and emotional wounds?"
A woman in our church once said God was working through all her past stuff like an onion, one layer at a time.
Your job is not to forgive someone and simply "get over" whatever hurt you. Yes, we are supposed to forgive. We need to! But just because that wound gets poked and we experience pain, it does not mean we haven't forgave or we aren't working through it.
God often takes us on a longer journey than we desire because we need all the time He is giving us to learn and heal.
Pain can exist even in healing. Just as an athlete goes through months of physical therapy after a sports injury, you have to keep at it, working through the pain. Forgive as many times as you need to. Pray, and pray some more. Give yourself time and permission to heal. And don't give up; you're getting there!
******
Currently reading:
Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis
This book focuses on demolishing the excuses/lies--and therefore shame--woman believe in order to free themselves to follow their dreams.
"Our potential--the potential that resides in every single one of us--is our gift from our creator. What you do with that potential is your gift back to the rest of the world."
I don't necessarily agree with everything she puts forth, but there's a lot of good, practical advice that's keeping me interested.
Have a blessed week, friends.
--J💜
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